i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
