the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
we're so committed to being not committed
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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