Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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