if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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