my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
