STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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