Screwed.edu
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
