a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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