alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
