So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
