I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize