smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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