She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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