she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
