shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
someone owes me an orgasm
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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