Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Four minutes until I can fart!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
