it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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