i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
