I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
