Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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