I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
