I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
