I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
