You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
