i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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