Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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