The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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