nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
