i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
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Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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