you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I could make wine with my vomit
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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