Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
