I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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