you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
