I love black thongs
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
