can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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