oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
