I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
