I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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