Say something about gay babies.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
