I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
