Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I still have a little drunk in my system
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
