I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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