I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
50% drunk capacity currently
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
