if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
