nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
