i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
