I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
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I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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