I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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