Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My balls are so social today.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
