remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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