just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
