Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
