I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
