There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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