he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
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My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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