great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
did i just pee glitter
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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