Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
