I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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