You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
