I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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