Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
