who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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