1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
