I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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