why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
