if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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