so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
