hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
