if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
